Another One bites the Dust

By 10am London ( 04:00:00 a.m. Friday December 31, 2010, if my math is right) it will be a new year as this one comes to end; I find myself reflecting on all that has happened. I’ve gained some new friends, and lost one that can not ever be replaced. Changed bosses three times, moved desks upwards of six times, and changed teams twice. I’ve found someone that not only puts up with me but feels blessed to get an opportunity to do so.

I failed at my new years resolution, it took me two and half months to finish “Little Women” and I enjoyed it, but was not able to finish “Grapes of Wrath” made it all the way to California, but just stopped caring.

Someone I use to work with said that resolutions, are stupid the way I think Hallmark™ holidays are stupid. The concept that we need a day set aside to remember how blessed we are. I’ll not rant about it today but it does bother me.

I’ve in lieu of that, I’ve decided to go with what is at the heart of the concept, of self improvement. To live a better life I’ve always felt that I’m just a concept away from understanding all of it. Life and where I fit in it.
I don’t what the truth is, or where the lies end, and the truth begins. The ultimate answer may be forty-two, and the closet I may come to the ultimate question is “How many roads, must a man travel?” I don’t know if the secret is to “Hold on, and Let go”? I doubt I will find my answer in media, however easy that would be.

I plan to spend the moments following this, moving forward towards a better life. I haven’t figured out how I’m to do that, but I believe I’ll find my way. “I have two (meteorically) good legs, I need to put them two use.”

You don’t get, (or you never will…) (or I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired)

I find every now and then the need to “clean house” and get rid of those that reside in my life, and are not conductive, to what I think I want at that moment.

Recently I removed two people from my contact list. Currently I’m in the process of removing them from my thoughts. They share very little in common, how my mind drew the connections all the same, mainly due to the fact that both of them make me feel… less.

There is just really isn’t any way to put it. One knows better (or by now, she fucking should!) words to me are worthless (I still count them, but that is another tale for another day) how you act, sober or not, busy or not. I’m sure that it’s unintentional that they make me feel like shit, however that almost makes it worse that it stems from their carelessness.

I don’t think that I’m an unreasonable person, I don’t expect people to drop their lives for me (hell, I refuse to change the world so I can shit comfortable*) but once in awhile, I liked to hear from people when they don’t want to use me for something. I do know that I’m difficult person to be friends with. I know that my low expectations for people are so low that I don’t treat them like expectation, I treat them like demands. I demand respect, as I will extend it to you, I demand honesty as I will do the same (both within reasonable situations.) I wont stand for being plan “z” hell I don’t like being plan “b” I WON’T BE YOUR SAFETY!

* Dante Hicks (Clerks)